Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
