so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize