Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
