I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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