I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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