i don't like sucking hair
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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