WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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