Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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