I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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