when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
