In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
