just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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