today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
