just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
