why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
