just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
