Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
