period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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