Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
