I just saw a hot homeless man
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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