know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
