he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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