It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
