how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
