At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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