THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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