We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
