I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
