It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
