The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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