Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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