So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
