I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
