I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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