And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
