If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
