finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
