I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
