His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
