youre lurking in front of me
the day after is always just damage control
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
