I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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