I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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