whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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