I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
