bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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