Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
