They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
