Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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