Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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