My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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