I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
